Priory Secretarial Services

There was a time when perfectionism became a cliché at interviews, “What is your greatest weakness?” was rendered a pointless question when the stock answer was an airy, “Oh, I’m a perfectionist.” Not that I would ever have given that answer. The last time I was asked that question, my answer was, “Oh, I’m completely scatty and would forget my head if it wasn’t screwed on.”
After a pause, the interviewer said faintly, “And what do you do about it?”
“Write everything down in three places and cross-reference, and now I have a reputation for legendary efficiency.” I got the job.

But what my first answer really told them was that I am a perfectionist. When it was first suggested to me over a decade ago that this might be at the root of my stress, I did give a clichéd answer: “That’s not possible, I get everything wrong all the time.” The very answer that confirms you’ve got a bad case of it. Once I’d looked into what it really means, it explained so much. I had limited myself for years by setting impossibly high standards and expecting more of myself than I would of anyone else. It practically paralysed me. Day by day I am now learning how to take risks, to make mistakes, to try and fail. I am learning to forgive myself for what I would never hold against anyone else: for being an ordinary human being. I have been released to be curious, admit I don’t know but will find out, and that has liberated my creativity. And because it’s work in progress, from time to time, I make a breakthrough.

Like today. I was catching up with the excellent Newscast on Radio 4 and they were talking about economic resilience in farming of all things. You know how it is, sometimes something you’ve heard many times before suddenly clicks into place.

This time, a throw away comment about resilience in terms of making sure there is spare capacity triggered the click, I suddenly saw this: I’d brought my perfectionism to the very task of trying to be more resilient and, in doing so, had undermined any coping mechanisms I had. I had been demanding of myself what I would never expect of anyone else: that I should face every set-back with strength, wisdom and a serene smile. The wobble that would be entirely natural and understandable in anyone else was a failure in me.

I had believed that in order to be resilient, I had to be fully and perfectly equipped to face anything life might throw at me, even the unforeseeable. The reality, however, is that all I need is enough spare capacity to get through things without breaking, even if it means the odd tear, or snappy moment, or sleepless night. Just like anyone else.

So now when I open my resilience toolkit, there will be a sticky note under the lid that says: “You probably won’t be your best for a while but that’s fine, just focus what capacity you have on getting through – or over, or around – this new challenge.” I don’t have to come through without a hair out of place, I just need to come through it. Let’s hope I remember that, if nothing else, next time a storm comes my way.